From: Linda >
Dear Jessica, I don't think that anyone has asked this question before, at least I could not find it in your archives. I will need to tell you some background about me and my horse so that you can answer this. I am 43 years old and have been riding for about four years. I am one of your "Riding for the Rest of Us" fans, and thank you very much for writing that book. I still keep it next to my bed, and re-read parts of it whenever I have a question or a problem and think that I am just too old to learn to do this correctly, your words always help. But now I have a problem that is a little bit different. I bought my horse two years ago. Chance is a gelding, and I guess you would call him a grade horse since we don't really know what his breeding is. He looks as if he is part Quarter Horse and maybe part Arabian? I am just guessing based on his conformation and intelligence. Chance is 15.1 hands, stocky-built, and bay with a small star. I think he is beautiful, outside and inside. When I bought him, I was very nervous about whether I could really own a horse of my own and take care of it even at a good boarding stable, and he has just been the best no-problem kind of horse! He is never sick or lame or unwilling, his eyes are always bright and he always looks interested and eager when he sees me coming or hears my footsteps, so I know that he likes me and the things that we do together. (I learned about that from your book!) He has what you would probably call "okay" gaits, nothing fancy but an okay walk and trot and canter. He's not very rough or super-smooth, just average, with an average stride, not a very long stride. But to me he is just about perfect! My instructor has been working hard with us since I bought him, trying to teach me basic riding skills and some dressage. The more dressage I do, the more I like it. Now I would like to get serious about dressage, and I have read in many books, including yours, that dressage is good for all horses and will help them improve. This is my problem. My instructor wants me to have a different horse. She says that if I want to do dressage, my horse's limitations are going to get in the way, and I should buy a horse with better movement and more potential. I tried to explain that I just want to work with Chance, because I really love him and I want to keep him forever and ride him forever. I wouldn't feel the same about another horse, and I can't afford to keep two horses. I've tried to tell my instructor how I feel but she keeps saying that I'll see it her way when I get serious about dressage, and that she'll know when I'm serious because I'll ask her to find me another horse. I know that I started riding late in life, and I don't care if I ever go to shows, but I really do care about dressage, and I am interested. I just want to do it with my own horse that I love. But when I ask her to teach me something like turn on the forehand or turn on the haunches, she shrugs her shoulders and says "He'll never be able to do what you want." I don't think that's true, but I've only been riding four years, so maybe I'm wrong? Or maybe the instructor is trying to say something about my own abilities? Please tell me if this is so wrong, and if it isn't wrong how I can make my instructor understand? I hope you answer this question. Linda
Reading your letter, and other letters like yours (you're not alone, if that's any comfort), I'm beginning to see a pattern. It's hard for me to believe that there are so many instructors who "hate" their students' horses. For one thing, that's unrealistic - and for another, it's very unprofessional. It's quite reasonable for an instructor to say "I don't think that your horse is entirely suitable for the job you plan to have him do, because of factors A, B, and C," but that's not a matter of "hating" the horse.
Let me put it this way. I work with hundreds of riders and horses each year. Most of the horses I work with are "ordinary" horses. Most of the riders I work with are "ordinary" riders. Does that mean that they are somehow less deserving of care and attention and good teaching? NO, not at all. Does it mean that I take them less seriously than I take the exceptionally-talented individuals amongst the riders or the exceptional movers amongst the horses? NO, not at all. Each horse and each rider is totally deserving of the instructor's focus, care, and attention. Different riders have different goals and ambitions and talents and time to practice; different horses have different physiques and minds and talents and ways of moving. Every single horse and every single rider is an individual and must be treated as such - end of story!
If your instructor thinks that only competition and show results matter, and that you should get rid of Chance and buy something that is more likely to win in at shows, then you and your instructor have completely different ideas of what riding is all about, what dressage means, and why you are riding in the first place. But before you call your instructor and cancel your next lesson, wait - you may be at fault here, too. At the very least, it's certain that you and your instructor aren't listening to one another very well. You need to talk - and listen. If you're going to work together, it's important that you understand one another, and it's important that you be on the same wavelength.
What you are hearing your instructor say is this: "GET RID OF YOUR ORDINARY HORSE, YOU NEED A FANCY ONE FOR DRESSAGE, YOUR HORSE JUST CAN'T DO THE JOB." What you THINK you are hearing, right after that, is "You're a sentimental idiot and you'll never be a good rider until you get rid of your crummy horse and buy a big-moving fancy one."
You could be right - maybe that's what you're hearing. But maybe it isn't. That's why you need to talk with your instructor. I'm not at all sure how much you are actually hearing, and how much you are reading into what you hear.
Any horse can do dressage. Any horse can benefit, physically and mentally and emotionally, from dressage training. The same is true of any rider. But, having said that, let me point out that I am talking about dressage, the systematic progressive development of the horse's body and mind - NOT "dressage-the-competitive-sport". Those are two very different things. If it helps, think of some other discipline - ice skating, say, or ballet. If you wanted to learn either one, and took lessons for four years, and were enjoying yourself and making progress and wanting to go on learning forever, how would you react to being told by your instructor "You don't have the right body/balance/flexibilty/coordination for skating/ballet!" Would you be crushed, upset, or would you just laugh and say something like this? "Yeah, I'm not taking this skill to the Olympics, but I really enjoy skating, and next year I want to learn ice-dancing" or "I know I'll never be a prima ballerina, but I just love my ballet classes and how they make me feel." The answer depends on how secure you are, and on whether or not you feel "attacked" by the comment - and on what your ambitions and goals are. If you love learning about skating or ballet, and you know that your instructor loves teaching you, you can relax and say "Yeah, I know, I'm not giving up my day job". If you're doing it, not because you love it for its own sake, but because you want to become recognized as "good at it", then you may be very unhappy to hear such a comment. If you're doing it because you desperately want to become a winning national or international competitor, such a comment would probably be really crushing to your ego.
So, why would a teacher say something like that about anyone studying skating or ballet - or dressage? Nastiness? Maybe - but "honesty" might be another answer. Any human can benefit from learning the discipline and balance and breathing and movement skills of skating - or of ballet - but very few humans are going to make skating or ballet their entire life. Any horse can benefit from dressage, but very few horses are going to become successful national or international competitors in the dressage arena. It would be unfair to encourage anyone to study in the hope of becoming a star performer, if the best that person could possibly achieve would be a workmanlike competence.
SO WHAT?
If you know that you're not going to become an international star, and you really have no compelling desire to become one, or to be TOLD that you can become one, then consider this. If what you want is to make your imperfect self into the best and happiest rider you can possibly become, and you want to make your imperfect horse into the best and happiest horse he can posssibly become, and you (rightly) see dressage as a way to make all of this happen, then TELL YOUR INSTRUCTOR exactly how you see the situation, and exactly how you feel. She may not know - and here's why.
Instructors have their own problems and their own anxieties and insecurities. They want their students to do well, they want the horses they work with to improve, and they often see show results as "proof" that they are, or are not, good teachers. Young and inexperienced instructors, especially, may not feel very secure about their own teaching abilities, and may well believe that the comments their students receive from judges are actually comments about the teaching those students are getting. In some ways, this is true. If your instructor is very secure, knows the value of what she is teaching, and cares about you and your horse's progress, whether or not you ever put one hoof into the show arena, her attitude will be more relaxed. If your instructor is depending on YOUR show results to make HER feel good about her own work, then she will be much less relaxed about your work and your progress.
Many riders are in a hurry to "get somewhere", usually into the show ring. They care about the on-paper results more than they care about the process of learning to ride and training their horses. They, like their instructors, think that the "proof" of good instruction is show-ring success. Instructors who deal with such riders are always trying to find them an "edge". Simple "sweat equity", hard work and focused attention, isn't generally seen as an "edge". A new horse that moves really well, a new saddle that helps the rider's leg stay in "just the right place", the most expensive bit on the bit wall at the tackstore, and the fancy, shiny, browband-of-the-month (white edges? metal beadwork? rhinestones?) - those are what many riders and their instructors see as things that will provide an "edge" in competition.
If your instructor is used to riders like this, she may not be hearing YOU very well either. If you tell her "I love dressage and I want to do dressage", she may hear "I want to go to dressage shows and come home with lots of ribbons." And if that's what she thinks you are saying, or if that's what her other clients mean when they say "I want to do dressage", then her answer - "You need a fancier, bigger-moving horse" - makes a kind of sense IN THAT CONTEXT. Instructors don't want their riders to be unhappy or frustrated, and many riders who have average skills, an average amount of time to ride, and average, "ordinary" horses with "ordinary" gaits, become very unhappy and frustrated when they go to competitions and find out that the badly-behaved, badly-ridden horse with tremendous natural talent and spectacular gaits is very likely to score better than their obedient but limited horse. Let your instructor know that you're well aware of that, but that it doesn't matter, because those aren't your ambitions and that's not your chosen venue anyway. Then you'll be able to discuss what you DO want.
So talk with your instructor, tell her what you want from yourself, what you want from your horse, and what you want from her. Make it clear that you want to learn the discipline and skills of dressage because you love dressage, not because you love ribbons. Make it clear that you want your horse to be the best horse he can be, move as well as he can move, use his body as well as he possibly can, last as long as he can, and enjoy his life as a riding horse, and that you see dressage as the way to accomplish these goals. Make it clear that what you want from her is guidance through the levels of dressage, so that you will do everything you do with calm and balance and peace of mind. And if you make all of this clear, and she understands what you are saying and still disagrees, listen to her reasons with an open mind and then decide whether you want a new horse and a new focus, or a different instructor who can help you stay focused on your own ideals and goals.
Be honest, though - with yourself and your horse AND with your instructor. If you tell your instructor that you just want to go as far as you can with your horse, and that you know that you could do better in competition with a fancier horse, but that isn't one of your ambitions, that's fine - unless, deep down inside, you want to be doing well in competition, riding a fancy horse. If that's the case, you won't be happy with your own horse, and the demands that you place on him and on yourself will not be fair ones. I've seen more than one case where a rider insisted that she didn't care about competition, then pushed her horse to go far beyond his physical comfort and physical limitations, so that she could compete at a higher level. In one case, I watched a very talented rider take a horse to a level that no one else could have achieved with the horse - but the horse was overstressed and unhappy, because the physical demands were simply beyond its scope, and all of its willingness and goodwill weren't enough to overcome the physical limitations. It's the same sort of unfairness that makes some people tell the vet, at the pre-purchase exam, "Oh, I just want to trail-ride and go over a few low jumps once in a while", then - a year or two or three later - complain because the horse "couldn't perform" at speed over large obstacles in the show jumping arena or on the cross-country course. In both cases, it's a matter of poor judgement - taking advantage of the horse's good will to push the horse beyond its capabilities. If the rider is at fault, shame on the rider. If the instructor is at fault, shame on the rider - because the rider's ultimate responsibility is to her horse, and the rider must protect her horse.
On the other hand, properly-taught dressage will help any horse improve its abilities and physique to some extent. I know one rider who is leasing a very ordinary little riding-school hack, and with the help of a good dressage instructor, has come a very long way - and so has the horse. No one, looking at this horse three years ago, would have said "Yes, she has the potential to be very flexible and supple and strong, and to do a lovely collected canter and a strong trot half-pass", but that's exactly what the rider and horse are working on together right now. The rider, like you, had begun her riding later in life. She had started at a local barn and taken a series of hunt-seat lessons which were less than well-taught, and so, when she developed an interest in dressage, began her dressage lessons with a perched position and an over-arched back, both of which had to be corrected before she could even begin to learn to ride correctly - but she wanted to learn, and she did. If she had wanted to "get competitive in dressage" within a year or two or three, especially with that horse, no good instructor would have been willing to take her on. (And any instructor who had said "Oh, fine, I'll have you and your horse at second level in a year" would have been someone to run far, far away from.) But what she wanted - and she was very clear about it - was "to improve", and THAT was a goal that any good instructor would appreciate.
Before you start analyzing yourself and your horse in terms of abilities and potential, ask yourself "potential for WHAT?" If you talk about "potential" and your instructor hears "potential for high scores at competitions", whereas you mean "potential to become a better, stronger, happier, more coordinated, more flexible and supple horse with better gaits", then you aren't talking about the same thing, and before you begin an argument, you have to know what each one of you means by "potential." When your instructor says that Chance will "never be able to do what you want", obviously she doesn't mean that he can't learn to do a turn on the forehand, or a turn on the haunches or a half-pass, because those things can be achieved by any reasonably sound horse. What she probably means is that he's unlikely to learn to do those things in a way that would give him an "edge" over fancier-moving horses AT A SHOW.
If you are overworked, underslept, and can barely find time to ride briefly a few days a week - which is typical of many adult riders - then let your instructor know that you don't expect her to perform miracles with YOUR physique and flexibility and strength, either. Let her know that you will take responsibility for keeping your body and your horse's body gymnasticized and able to work in lessons - and between lessons.
There's something else you might want to think about. Some very kind and well-meaning instructors may sound unkind when they say "You need a different horse", but look for the reason behind the statement. It may NOT be based on dislike for your horse. Do you remember me saying that instructors have their own insecurities? Here's a MAJOR cause of instructor insecurity: Worrying that the student will expect too much, that the instructor can't give the student what the student wants or needs, worrying that she can't "do right" by the student without a schoolmaster horse to use for lessons. Your instructor may be worried that because of your horse's limitations, YOU won't be able to meet your OWN expectations, and SHE won't be able to help you meet those same expectations.
Good instructors care desperately about their students, and about helping their students improve, meet their goals, etc. If your instructor KNOWS that you are really, truly interested in dressage for its own sake and for the sake of improving your riding skills and your training skills and your horse's abilities and physique, she'll be able to relax and teach you without worrying that she is "cheating you" or "short-changing you" by allowing you to work toward a goal (e.g. competitive success) that you're unlikely to reach. She may be trying to spare you frustration and distress. If you tell her that you adore your horse and plan to keep him forever, and that you'll be delighted to move up a level every two years, and that you just want your "moving up" to be based on a genuine acquisition and understanding of the skills involved, you'll have a good chance of getting your point across.
If that still doesn't work, THEN you might want to consider changing instructors. If your instructor truly doesn't like your horse, it's going to be hard for you to work with her, and it's going to be impossible for her to put her best effort into working with your horse. Don't work with anyone who makes it clear, by word or by deed, that he or she truly doesn't like your horse - someone who dislikes your horse is unlikely to give it the benefit of the doubt, which is something that all horses deserve. But don't just assume that your instructor doesn't like your horse. ASK her - talk to her - get those communication lines open - and let her finish stating her whole sentence or whole thought before you break in. You may be surprised at what you learn. Sometimes the instructor who says "The horse isn't suitable" is saying just that the horse isn't suitable FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE - she may like him very much, but honestly find him unsuitable for a specific task.
Sometimes instructors who aren't quite as articulate as they could be will say "I don't like this horse.... for endurance" or "I don't like this horse.... for a beginner rider", without meaning that they DISLIKE the horse itself, in the same way that you can say "I don't like this shade of blue... in my kitchen" or "I don't like pizza.... for breakfast, especially if it's cold." It's something you won't understand unless you listen to the entire statement.
Intent matters, too. If someone tells you that your 6'2" eighteen-year-old son is "not suitable" to become a jockey, for instance, it doesn't mean that that person "hates" your son. It means that in that person's (quite sensible) opinion, the odds are very much against your son becoming a successful jockey, because his size, height, and (no doubt) weight would make it terribly difficult for him to succeed.
I would be very surprised if your instructor actually hates, or even dislikes, your horse. That's not the mark of a true professional - not because a true professional could hate your horse without you knowing it, but because a true professional, especially in dressage, might like some horses much more than others, might feel very sorry for some horses, might not feel motivated to purchase, train, or ride certain horses, but wouldn't have it in her to "hate" any horse.
Jessica
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