From: Melanie
Hi!
I just started riding again after a 10 year "vacation." I have two quarter horses both geldings and around the age of 15 years. I guess what I need is more along the lines of encouragement than technique. I'll just tell you--I AM SCARED TO DEATH! Please Help!! I finally broke my fear down into two categories (you can tell I have thought about this a lot!! Ha,Ha). Category one is what the horse may do while I am on the ground. I fear getting a surprise kick or getting caught up between the two horses. Category two is what the horse may do while I am riding him. I not as afraid of him bucking as long as I don't fall off and get stepped on or caught in the stirrups--so yeah, I guess I am afraid of being bucked!! I am extremely afraid of him rearing up and falling back on me. I keep telling myself to just give it time. I'm trying to spend a lot of time around the horses to get the "feel" of it again. But I do not feel any comfort. Can you give me any advice, encouragement, or miracle cures. Thanks for your time.
Melanie
As we get older, we all reach the point of realizing that we are NOT immortal, that we CAN be hurt, even killed, and that we DON'T have all the time in the world to do all of the things we want to do. If we reach this point while we are actively involved in riding, we can usually work through it by getting some help and advice, by being more responsible about our safety precautions, and sometimes by changing our goals a little. It's hardest to cope with when we come to this realization during a period of years when we are NOT riding, because then when we finally come back to riding, we remember feeling safe and happy and secure, and doing it all for FUN, but now all we know is that we feel afraid.
At some point during your time away from horses and riding, you grew up. Now you want to be around horses again, and ride, but your priorities and your fears are different. You are very wise to want to DO something about the situation instead of just trying to ignore it or pretend that nothing has changed.
I like your two categories. You're afraid of what a horse might do on the ground - and of what a horse might do under saddle. Together, those just about cover all the possibilities, don't they? ;-) On the other hand, although I understand that you do need encouragement, I think that there's a good case to be made for developing some technique as well.
Before I get to that, though - let me ask you this: Are you sure that you truly want to ride? Sometimes people change, or their wishes change, or their bodies change, and what they really wanted when they were, say, fifteen or twenty is not what they want when they are, say, thirty. You may really WANT to have horses and enjoy riding - or you may NOT. Before you embark on a big project aimed at getting you back into the saddle, first take some quiet time and think about who you are now and what you want. You may find that you don't really want to ride any more, or that you don't really want to own horses. If that's the case, then the real question may not be "How can I stop being afraid of horses so that I can ride them?" but "If riding horses just isn't something I care to do anymore, what DO I want to do - what WOULD I enjoy doing?" Those questions will take you in a different direction.
The point I want to make is that if your interests and desires have changed, that's not a problem as long as you realize what has happened. If you love horses and are desperate to spend time with them and become a good rider so that you can ride as much as possible, that's fine. If you have horses out of habit, or because you remember a time in the past when you did enjoy them, but they aren't what you want anymore, please don't feel that you have to force yourself to be around horses and ride horses.
As long as you OWN horses, you DO have an obligation to see that their needs are met, by you or by someone else. But don't beat yourself up if the real problem is that you think you OUGHT TO spend time with horses and you OUGHT TO ride, because you SHOULD enjoy horses and you SHOULD enjoy riding. Some people do, some people don't. Some people do, and then, later in their lives, don't. Do you want this, or are you frantic because you can't make yourself want it and you think you SHOULD want it? Don't push yourself to get better at something that you don't really want to do at all - instead, look for something that you DO want to do, and that you CAN enjoy. Looking after horses well, and riding well, takes a big investment in time and effort, not to mention money... if it's something you love, the investment is worth it; if it's something you no longer enjoy, it is NOT. Do you bounce out of bed every morning feeling happy because you own two horses? Or do you lie there wishing that you didn't have to handle and ride them, and finding reasons that you just "don't have time", day after day? Think about this, and keep thinking about it. You may decide that you DO want to ride, more than anything. You may decide that you don't, but you'll have a go anyway. You don't have to make a final decision right now, but do realize that there's nothing wrong with saying "I've thought about it, and this isn't what I want to do."
If you decide that you really DO want to work on your riding, keep reading. ;-)
Just giving it time isn't going to work for you, because, as you have correctly surmised, there's more to the problem than time away, and more to the solution than time in the saddle. You'll want to start spending time in the saddle, but safely - and not necessarily in the saddle of either of your own horses.
Keep the goal in mind: You want to be back in the saddle, feeling confident and HAVING FUN. Intelligent adults can't feel confident unless they feel competent, and right now you don't feel competent, so let's begin with that.
I'm going to suggest - no big surprise here - that you take lessons. Find the best teacher in your area, and not just the best in a certain style of riding, but the very best at teaching adult beginners. The way for you to get your confidence back, safely, is for you to start over again from the ground up, with an instructor who understands what it's like to be in your position. Don't let anyone talk you out of taking lessons - it's the best and safest way to get you where you want to go. If you ride stock seat and the best instructor in your area teaches hunt seat, go to that instructor. Don't worry, you won't have to ride in that style forever unless you CHOOSE to, but what matters most right now is the quality of the instructor. Basic horsemanship - horse handling, horse care, and riding skills - will be very similar no matter what the saddle looks like, and sometimes it's actually easier to start over again with lessons if you learn a different style of riding. You may want to begin the search process by looking through the instructor listings at www.riding-instructor.com, the website for the American Riding Instructor Association. Other good organizations that certify instructors include HSA and CHA. Finding a certified instructor is a good start - it doesn't guarantee you a personality "match", but if you can find an ARIA-certified instructor in your area, at least you'll know that this is someone whose knowledge, teaching skills, and safety practices have all been professionally evaluated.
In any case, I would also suggest that you take your first ten or twenty - or more - lessons on the instructors' horses, NOT on your own. YOU need to build your own confidence first, and be able to think about yourself and what YOU are doing, without worrying about what the horses might do. Tell your instructor about your horses, and ask whether you can get some lessons for them - in other words, whether s/he is willing to evaluate your horses for you, then school them for you, whilst you watch. Even a few sessions each will be enough for a good instructor to know whether you have any business riding those horses any time soon.
If your instructor has even basic round pen skills, ask for a demonstration and, if possible, a few lessons. Round pen work is something you can do with your own horses, and build up your confidence in your ability to read your horses' body language, and to make yourself clear to them. It's an important adjunct to your riding lessons.
Do something OFF the horse to help you build your own strength, balance and coordination. This can be as easy as walking, or as complicated as starting a weight-training program. Swim, dance, skate, jog, or walk, but do SOMETHING. If you like exercise tapes, try yoga or Tai Chi - these are not only wonderful for your riding, but they will help you with the fear by teaching you to breathe properly! The cheapest exercise program is walking and practicing deep breathing at the same time - and it's extremely effective, but do whatever you enjoy doing. The more balanced, coordinated, and strong you feel, the more confidence you will have in your own body, and the easier it will be for you to feel confident and relaxed on a horse.
Don't try to talk yourself out of being afraid. Bucking is dangerous, and having a horse fall over backward on you can be fatal - it's sensible to be afraid of both possibilities. Avoid the fear by avoiding the situation - take your first set of lessons on your instructor's quietest horses, the ones that are more likely to fall ASLEEP than over backward, and the ones that would never even consider wasting energy on bucking. Then work on your physical skills, on and off the horse, and ask your instructor, during each lesson, to talk you through some "What would you do IF -?" situations. If you have NO idea what you would do if your horse reared, a rear will be much more frightening. If you know what's involved in a rear, and what the rider's best position and responses will be, and you practice that position and those responses (even on a horse that is standing half-asleep in the center of the ring), you'll have something to do if that situation should ever arise. Plus, if you know what RIDER behaviours and actions are most likely to provoke a rear, you will find them much easier to avoid.
Bucking and rearing are usually signs of great discomfort - pain - or complete confusion and frustration on the horse's part. They are also usually caused by the rider, one way or another. The best way to avoid having to deal with a bucking or rearing horse is to learn how to be a competent, kind, and considerate rider... and to know what you should do "just in case". It's a bit like practicing a fire drill - if you know exactly what you would do, and in what sequence, you can worry less - or a lot less.
You're afraid of falling off, of getting stepped on, of getting caught in the stirrups - well, all those things ARE scary, and it's perfectly reasonable to be frightened. Ask your instructor to teach you emergency dismounts - even if you never have an occasion to perform one in the real world, it's very helpful to know how to get off in a hurry, without getting hung up in the stirrups, and how to land on your feet and facing forward, instead of on your face. We all come off sooner or later, so it's good to learn how to come off in a way that doesn't cause damage - even to your pride. Arena dirt may make for a soft landing, but it tastes TERRIBLE. Learn how to get it on your boots instead of your helmet.
And that's another thing. No matter what sort of lessons you take, and no matter what sort of riding you decide to do, get a helmet that meets or exceeds the current ASTM/SEI standards, and wear it EVERY time you ride, even if you think you're "just getting on for five minutes". There are no miracle cures for brain injuries.
You can enjoy riding for the rest of your life if you're willing to take the time NOW to get over your fear in the only really useful way - by becoming a competent rider with confidence in your own abilities both on and off the horse. At the same time, work on developing a set of realistic goals for yourself, so that you can have the mental satisfaction of meeting them.
I know this was probably a lot to throw at you at once, and it's just a fraction of the many options and possibilities open to you - I teach entire CLINICS on this subject, so believe me when I tell you that you are not alone! - but perhaps it will serve to get you started. Good luck!
Jessica
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