From: Donna
Dear Jessica, my husband says that I am being silly and petty, but I need to ask you about this because it is really bothering me a lot. First off let me say that I have been riding a few times but I am not really "into" horses and riding. But my sister loves horses and ever since we were little kids (she is a year older) she has always wanted to have a house with a little barn behind the house and two horses. Well now she is married and she has all that, and I'm very happy for her. She painted her barn blue and white, and she's always looking for blue and white things for the barn. Her horses have blue and white blankets, etc.
Last week was her birthday and I bought her two blue buckets for her horses. I know they are good ones because I recognized the brand, Sis has some other things from the same company and likes them. I thought that she would be really happy to have water buckets that matched her other things in her barn. She seemed to be happy with them and told me she loved them. But yesterday I was out there for a visit and I looked in her barn to see how pretty the water buckets would look, and I couldn't see them anywhere. Her horses were still drinking out of those ugly black rubber buckets. My feelings were hurt and I didn't know what to say to her, so I just talked about some other stuff and then I went home. I guess maybe she didn't like them and maybe she returned them to the store? That's not a big deal, they belong to her, she can do that if she wants but I'm wondering if she is mad at me for some reason and that's why she didn't want to use them? Because she really likes everything to match, so I can't understand why she wouldn't use them unless she was mad about something.
My family isn't good about talking about things that bother us so I don't even know where to begin with Sis or if I should say anything. My husband says "Let it go, she's probably saving them for 'best'" but I don't know. If those weren't a good present, I don't want to make another mistake next year, but I don't know how to ask her about them. Please help me!
Donna
It would be easiest if you could just ask her "Hey, Sis, where are the blue buckets I gave you?", because I'm sure that she has a perfectly sensible answer - such as "They're in storage until spring arrives." It's extremely unlikely that she's mad at you - no horse-owner could possibly be mad at a sister who gave her beautiful new horse supplies to match her barn colors!
But... if someone gave ME lovely new water buckets in the winter, I wouldn't use them either, and here's why.
You didn't say how severe your winters are, but if they are cold enough that your sister (like so many of us!) has to deal with frozen water buckets from time to time, she has an excellent reason to go on using those ugly black rubber buckets until the horses' water no longer freezes at night. When she comes out in the morning to feed and water her horses, if the night has been exceptionally cold, she's going to find a solid block of ice in the bottom of each water bucket. If she's using buckets like the pretty ones you gave her, the only way she'll be able to get the ice out is by putting them outside and leaving them in the sun until the ice begins to separate from the buckets and she can dump them and then refill them with water for the horses. But... this can take HOURS, and the horses need water NOW. Plus, if it's really, really cold, or if it's a cloudy day, the ice may not be cooperative, and then what can she do?
There are such things as heated water buckets that run off electricity, but they do tend to send the electric bill up! For most people, dumping the ice out of the bottom of the buckets is just part of the winter morning horse-keeping routine. And getting the ice out often involves a certain amount of violence... enough to damage or demolish nice buckets. ;-)
You're right, those black rubber buckets are ugly - no argument there! But they're great for winter. Those buckets are FLEXIBLE, and if you were a horse-owner, you would love them in spite of their ugliness, because they eliminate the ice problem. Oh, they'll get ice blocks, but you can get the ice blocks OUT of those buckets. You can bang them on the ground, slam them against posts, and turn them upside down and jump on them to get the ice out of them. THEY WON'T CRACK AND THEY WON'T BREAK - and you can get the ice out quickly, water and feed your horses, and go back into your house and get your OWN breakfast.
You should probably say something to your sister, just so that you can be reassured and stop fretting over this, but I'm sure that this is the reason your sister isn't using your nice blue buckets. Just wait. Come spring, those ugly black buckets will go into storage, and you'll see yours put into use.
Jessica
Jessica Jahiel's HORSE-SENSE is a free, subscriber-supported electronic Q&A email newsletter which deals with all aspects of horses, their management, riding, and training. For more information, please visit www.horse-sense.org
Please visit Jessica Jahiel: Holistic Horsemanship® [www.jessicajahiel.com] for more information on Jessica Jahiel's clinics, video lessons, phone consultations, books, articles, columns, and expert witness and litigation consultant services.