From: Darryl
Dear Jessica. This isn't really a horse training or managing question because my horse is dead, but I hope you are willing to help me anyway. My horse was very lame with navicular disease and she had special shoes, special navicular drugs, also bute, and some food supplements to help with her joints. But nothing helped her and I did not want to have her "nerved" because the veterinarian who took the last x-ray pictures of her feet said that it was a miracle she could even walk around with bones like that and that he would put her down if she was his horse. So I had her put down so that she wouldn't suffer any more. She was 26 years old and I loved her very much. Now my problem is that some of the people I know, I don't even want to call them "friends" anymore because they are so cruel, keep telling me that I rushed into it, that I was just trying to get rid of a problem, that I should have tried special herbal medicines and magnets and all kinds of other things. Basically that I gave up too soon and I could have saved Leda if I cared enough to try. I cry every night because I miss my horse but also because these people are so cruel and also what if all those people are right and I had her put to sleep when she could have been okay? I feel so terrible and guilty. You are such a kind person and you know everything about horses, please help me. Darryl
I won't tell you to stop crying, because you've lost an old and valued friend, and you need to mourn her. So cry for your loss -- I've been there, and done the same thing.
What I WILL tell you, though, is to STOP FEELING GUILTY, because from what you've said, several things are clear:
1) Your horse was suffering and there was no way to keep her alive without prolonging her suffering.
2) You had worked with your veterinarian, and between you, you had tried every reasonable medical and management possibility, including drugs and feed supplements, and you had considered surgery until you found that surgery just wasn't an option because of her condition.
3) You faced the facts and you made the decision that you had to make, that I would have made in your place, that ANY real horseman would have made -- you ended your horse's pain and suffering, even though this deprived you of your friend and companion.
There is no supplement, no treatment, no medication, no magnet, and no surgery that will repair an old horse in that condition. You obviously had the help and advice of good, caring, responsible veterinarians, and I am sure that if you call them -- and I suggest that you DO call them -- they will tell you what I am telling you: you did the right thing for your horse.
People sometimes say things that make you feel terrible, not because they are cruel people, but because they just don't think about what they are saying and how it will affect you. I don't think that your friends are trying to hurt you, but that's exactly what they are doing. What you need from your friends now is NOT advice on what they imagine you should have done -- you need love and support. If you can't talk to them about it, please print out this letter and show it to them; at least that way they will know how you feel and how their words are affecting you.
The decision to put a horse down isn't an easy one. We're not used to feeling that helpless -- we want to think that somehow, there might be something more that we could do, something that would make the horse young and sound again, something magical that would make everything come out all right. But no matter how hard it is to do, when there's nothing else that can be done, arranging a peaceful death and an end to pain is the last, best service that you can do for the horse you love. Don't let anyone make you feel bad -- you acted like a horseman throughout your mare's life, and you acted like a horseman when you arranged for her to die peacefully, with dignity. You're the kind of person I would feel comfortable selling a horse to, because I would know that you would take care of the horse and do what was right for it all the way up to the end of that horse's life. You have my best wishes, and my respect.
Jessica
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