From: Ellen
Dear Jessica,
I was at Equitana when you lectured on "Finding and Communicating With A Riding Instructor." It was a great lecture and I thought I didn't need to ask any questions afterward, but now I have a question! I've been training with my instructor for almost five years. I started with her when I was eleven, and now I'm almost seventeen. I still like her a lot and I think she knows a lot and has a lot more she can teach me. The problem is that she really is annoying me a lot and it seems to get worse at every lesson. She isn't mean or anything like that, but she talks to me like I was still eleven and it makes me crazy. She has this voice that she uses for real little kid students, and I don't like hearing it when I'm in a lesson, and I don't like it when she talks to me and explains things like she does when she is teaching the little kids. What can I do? I don't feel like this is something I can talk to her about directly. I thought about getting my Mom to do it since she and my instructor are friends. But I don't know if I can make my Mom understand how annoyed I am!
I hope you have a good idea to help me!
Ellen
Ask your instructor if you can take her out for coffee or for lunch somewhere -- if you're almost seventeen, I assume that you're probably driving. ;-) The two of you DO need to talk, but you need to do it somewhere quiet and somewhere without interruptions. Don't try to have this conversation at the barn.
Start the conversation by telling your instructor that you like her and want to go on taking lessons from her -- otherwise, she will spend the whole time wondering when you will say that you've found another instructor. ;-) When that's out of the way, just tell her exactly what you said in your note to me. She does need to treat you like an adult rather than a child, and your first move toward claiming your new status should be to talk to her in an adult way. That means quietly, calmly, with pauses to listen to what she has to say. She may not realize how old you are -- sometimes I forget that the riders I worked with when they were ten or eleven are now in their mid-teens or late teens, maybe because I'm sure that I'm not getting any older (joke) so how can my students be getting older? Or maybe I'm just getting old and forgetful! ;-)
In any case, your good sense and your affection and respect for your instructor will tell you what to say, and how to explain that you want to be taught and spoken to as though you were an adult. Do NOT put your mother in the middle of this situation -- if you want to be treated as an adult, act like one! ;-) That means doing your own talking. Direct communication is always preferable, and your instructor asks questions, you'll be able to answer them -- your mother wouldn't be able to, and shouldn't be expected to. An eleven-year-old might, very appropriately, ask her mother to speak for her... but you haven't been eleven for a long, long time. ;-)
Good luck! I'm sure it will work out well.
Jessica
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